A Breath of Fresh Air

Last week was a difficult week for me but today I am given the gift of a whole, new, untainted, fresh week and I started my new week with this thought, "Isn't it wonderful how life is constantly giving us new beginnings?"

There is of course the traditional new beginning we celebrate every New Year but there are many others that help us put a bad day, a bad week, a bad relationship... in the past and enable us to move forward with a renewed feeling and a clean slate . Some new beginnings are momentous like a birth or a wedding or a funeral or a move across the country or a move just across the street and some come in more subtle ways such as the sunrise, a new job, a new relationship, or even a new hairstyle.

My favorite new beginnings are Winter, Spring, Summer and Fall. Whenever the seasons change there is a tangible electrical charge in the air and also with each season comes a new fragrant smell such as wood burning fireplaces in the winter, flowers in the spring, charcoal grills in the summer and burning leaves and pumpkin pies in the fall and I for one always welcome a breath of fresh air.

The Worst Birthday Ever Until...

I have been fortunate in life because my family and friends have always made my birthdays special and in return I do the same for them. I never believe people who say they don't care about their birthdays or people who say their birthday is just another day. I mean come on everyone wants to feel special on their birthday.

On Friday July 28th I woke up at 6:15am in a crappy motel room in Lake Forest, California. (Lake Forest is 30-40 minutes south of Los Angeles and 10 minutes from the client's office in Laguna Niguel.) I had a feeling of dread from the drama that ensued over the week but decided it was my birthday and I was going to make the best of it and not worry about things I could not change. At 6:30am my girlfriend Cheryl called to wish me happy birthday and shortly after that I received a text message from Amy saying the same. I still had a blah feeling but things were looking up so I got out of bed, made coffee and got ready for the day.

The original plan was to leave California at 11:00am to be back in Las Vegas around 4:00pm. I wanted plenty of time to get out of my traveling clothes, shower and feel like a birthday girl because I was having dinner with friends but this is NOT what happened.

We (I was traveling with the company CTO (Chief Technical Officer) who is also the VP) did not leave until 1:15pm and by the time we gassed up and really got under way we had committed traffic suicide in Southern Cal. It took 1 hour and 45 minutes to go 6 miles. Ugh! At this point I was irritated beyond my limits and that is all I am going to say just in case this blog falls into the wrong hands but trust me I was IRRITATED!

At 5:30 I called my friends and cancelled dinner because I was still 100+ miles from home, tired and in a very fowl mood. My friend Amy would not hear of it and insisted I call her when I got closer to home. I finally arrived back in Las Vegas at 7:00pm and decided I would meet Amy for dinner because the CTO I was traveling with his flight home was not until MIDNIGHT and I didn't know what else to do with him. I arrived at the restaurant in my traveled in clothes, exhausted, looking a fright and definitely not feeling like a birthday girl. The three of us had an uneventful dinner and there was still too much time left before I could drop this dude at the airport so we decided to play some slots to kill the time. Thank God for my great friend Amy who made my day better by insisiting I meet her for dinner.

Finally, at 10:30pm I left the airport and was free! I called my best friend who sounded like she had a few too many cocktails, she forgot my birthday last year and apparently forgot again this year. Completely defeated and 1 and a half hours left before midnight and the end of my special day I headed home to go to bed and forget about it. This was the worst birthday ever! Until...

Apparently while I was driving from CA to LV I was in and out of cell service. I noticed the voice mail icon glowing on my cell phone and checked my messages. There were six wonderful messages from family and friends wishing me birthday greetings. When I arrived home I checked my mailbox and there were lovely cards from my family and friends and when I walked through my door there were flowers and gifts waiting for me from my friends at work. I was so touched. I realized the best gift of all is the love of your family and friends and no matter how bad a day or week we may be having there are always people that love and care for us at all times. I knew this all along but I needed my family and friends at that time and even though I was a country away there they were, they were there for me making my birthday special.

This Too Shall Pass

I am having a very bad week. I don't even know where to begin to sort out all of my feelings but they are hurt and raw at this time so maybe I will go into detail in a future post. I will just say this, a very dear client has turned on me and called my boss and the client is very much in the wrong. I have done NOTHING wrong and I swear I would be absolutely honest if I actually did something wrong (or not even bring it up at all) but I have done nothing. I suspect I know what the real problem with the client is but again I will have to search my ethical conscience before I discuss it even though I would never use the names of the people involved.

This mole hill has become a mountain and everyone and their brother knows about it but NOONE has come to me! I know all of us have encountered this in some form or fashion in their lives and we have all asked the same question, "Why can't people just go to the source when they have heard something instead of hearing it from everyone else?"

Today is the eve of my 32nd birthday and I am throwing a damn pitty party and I might just cry cause it's my F-ing party! It is 7:00 pm, I am in California still working with no end in sight.

In closing I will leave you with two things...
1) My grandfather said in a comment to my first blog "Accentuate the possitive", I will try and do this tomorrow.
2) If all else fails.... drink vodka.

Yikes!

I have not been able to create a post in several days due to technical difficulties when signing in. I am on my way to sunny California today but I should be able to keep you up to date with all of my zany thoughts while I am there.

Thank you all for your wonderful responses. Aunt Kathy that was a great story! Check back soon for more updates!

Love,
Jen

A.K.A. Kathleen

Stories of my Aunt Kathy:

When I was 14 years old she flew me to Washington DC and we spent a whole weekend shopping (at the good stores) and driving around in her red convertible with the top down. She took me to a music store and let me purchase two tapes. One was Europe - The Final Countdown and the other was Van Halen - OU812 and she actually let me listen to them in the car.

When I was 21 years old I lost my paternal grandmother who also lived in Arlington, VA as did my Aunt Kathy and she took me to her office Christmas party (I think to cheer me up). We got all dressed up and when we got there I learned two things. 1) As we were entering the party a pan handler solicited us for money and she taught me how to get out of that situation and 2) I knew at that party I wanted to be a business woman and 10 years later I have achieved that goal.

My Aunt Kathy was married to a wonderful man, my Uncle Phil who sadly passed away way too soon in life. Uncle Phil always had ALL of the latest technology - I mean it! There were never fever than 5 remote controls at all times! Uncle Phil worked for the Copywrite division of the government and he had excellent taste in music and he specifically had Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians. I wanted to make a copy of the tape ... this is how I learned who my Uncle Phil worked for, the copywrite division. I'm not suppose to be dubbing music tapes, duh!

Aunt Kathy has taken me to the hippest restaurants (I went to a Tapas restaurant before anyone knew what Tapas was), the best shows (I have been to the Kennedy Center, Ford Theatre and Broadway) but lately my favorite times with my Aunt Kathy are the ones when we sneak cigarettes together and chat like old friends .

My Aunt Kathy is articulate, beautiful, a great listener, funny, a Redskins fan, and a great cook. These are just a few of my many memories of my Aunt Kathy and no they are not juicy but she is fabulous nonetheless.

What Do We Really Know About Our Parents?

Last night I turned on the TV and searched for something interesting to watch. I came upon a show on VH1 called "The Drug Years" which was a documentary on drug effects on society in the 1960s and 70s. More specifically the documentary touched on two drugs, one was LSD or acid (the psychedelic movement) and the second was marijuana.

In the late 1960s and early 70s the epicenter of the psychedelic/marijuana movement was the Haight/Ashbury area of San Fransisco. It spawned amazing artists such as the Grateful Dead, Jimmie Hendricks, The Doors, Pink Floyd and Janice Joplin even Simon and Garfunkel had a hit song for the movement called "San Francisco". As I watched the documentary I began to wonder, "What do I really know about my parents?"

"The Summer of Love" was in 1967 and my Dad was 21 years old and my Mom was 18, they were single and in the prime of their young adult lives. My Aunt KathyKathleen and my Uncle Fred have often referred to my mother as the wild child or party girl and I have heard stories that my dad once had a roommate that was a marijuana dealer. I have even seen photos of an old Volvo my father owned that had flowers painted on it but that is as far as the story goes. ZERO details are given. Is there a rule/conspiracy that children are to never know the details of their parents lives before they had children? I find it hard to believe that my father who supposedly has never smoke a cigarette has never toked on a joint or that my mother who loves Simon and Garfunkel never took a walk on the other side with some mind altering drugs and perhaps it is this exact mind altering experience that drives her need to be artistic.

My parents married in 1971 and three years later on July 28th (like how I worked my upcoming birthday in?) I came into the picture and four years after that my brother John was born. They now lead ultra conservative lives but they lived the prime of their life in a very interesting period of time and I am willing to bet there is a story to be told. Maybe it is not a pot smoking, acid dropping, free love type of story but I am sure they have a story to tell.

Scatter Brained

Have you ever felt like your brain was socked in by fog? I have had this feeling for the past two days and I simply can not shake it. I even try to shake my head back and forth real fast trying to get it to go away. This feeling happens to me from time to time and I figure it is either stress induced or hormonal but someone please sound a fog horn or turn on a lighthouse and guide my ass back home!

I know I am feeling very overwhelmed at work with a huge new client coming on board, reports to write, egos to stroke and a business trip to California next week (which I just found out about last night). Not to mention the small feats I am trying to accomplish in my personal life with losing weight, moving and hopefully finding time to date again. My brain has decided to take a vacation at a very inopportune time.

If anyone has any suggestions for lifting the fog please let me know. And if anyone needs someone to fill a position that includes no stress, flexible hours, no reports to write, no egos to stroke, no last minute business trips, unlimited vacation time and great pay definitely let me know about that!

Was He Flirting With Me?

Now that I have my butt back at the gym I have a renewed self confidence. And thank God, hallelujah, praise the Lord for that! This confidence is maybe not so obvious to the average person but it shows it's self in several ways to me. I wear a little more cute, tight(er) tanks, shirts and pants, I hold my head up higher, I keep my shoulders back and my gut sucked in. I smile more, worry less and sleep better.

On Saturday I was at the grocery store and there was a very cute blond haired, blue eyed, tall hunk of a man stocking chips on the chip and soda aisle and I was looking at diet energy drinks to go in my vodka for a BBQ I would be attending later that evening. I was looking sassy dressed in chocolate brown cargo pants, a dark olive-y green tank with spaghetti straps and my blondish hair long and straight. We were the only ones on the aisle and he turns to me and says, "there sure are a lot to choose from." And he says it in a way that seems to imply he is flirting with me. Now, instead of looking him in the eyes and thinking of a quick, witty come back what do I say? I say and I quote, "Uh huh." Pick up a drink, throw it in my basket and scurry off.

Thoroughly disgusted with myself I wondered, "What happened to my renewed self confidence?" "I have never had a problem talking to anyone!" "Was he flirting with me?" "He was flirting with me wasn't he?!?" "Damn!" "Why didn't I say anything?"

We must seize life's little moments. Maybe he was and maybe he wasn't flirting with me but what is the harm in a little conversation with a fellow human being? You never know, you might make someones day a little less monotonous, gain a friend or you might even get a date out of it.

T Minus Three Hours Till Martinis

Today is Friday! I usually have attention deficit disorder on Fridays so it is amazing I am posting to the blog today. Even now I can't think of any one thing I would like to write about so here is the random crap rattling around in my head.

• Terrorists suck. My friend Sanjay who is from Mumbai (Bombay) and now lives here in the US just informed me he lost a friend in the train bombings this week.
• Damn it is hot outside. Right now it is 112 degrees in Las Vegas and the California wildfires have created a thick smokey haze over the valley. It is so smokey today it smells like a burned down house everywhere you go.
• To my fans KathyKathleen and Michael thank you so much for encouraging my writing. I will most definitely get the books you recommended. Last year I wanted to start writing a book but I didn't get past what would be a good book jacket summary. I will re-read it and see if it is not too racy to post to the blog this weekend. Then again I told my family to read at their own risk so I think I will post it. Note to self: Give fair warning in title of posting so family will be aware of the material.
• I have talked about my Mom in my blog but I haven't given a shout out to my wonderful and cool Dad. Dad, I love you!
• My brother John has a new addition to his family a kitty named Sanchez. Ok, so it is really named peanut but that is a dumb name and I think it should be named Sanchez.
• And last but certainly not least there are only three more hours until I am sipping on a Martini with my friends. God, I love Fridays.

If You Would Like to Have a Life Please Hold for the Next Available Operator

I am in a perpetual state of hold. I hold off from dating until I lose weight. I hold off from going out with my friends until I am done cleaning the kitchen, bedroom and the bathroom. I hold off from going to the gym, store, library, movies, traveling, taking pictures, etc... when_____ (fill in the blank chore/insecurity) is DONE. I know in my mind it will never all be done because there will always be something but I still live my life on hold. What is the deal with this? I am going to try and be more aware of this hold I put on my life and start living life. I think I will begin living my life tomorrow after I clean the car, do the laundry and go to the gym.

By the way, I am responding to every one's comments and you can find them next to your responses. Just click on the comments link connected to the blog entry you commented on. Thanks!

My Name in Lights...Kinda

All of my life I have struggled with my name. After 32 years of spelling my first and last name and correcting the pronunciation of my last name I just don't do it anymore.

I remember as a child, one day I asked my Mom why she gave me an unusual spelling for my first name combined with an equally unusual last name? She told me it was a name she could see in lights and I of course envisioned it on a Broadway marquee in all it's glory Jenefer Edelen starring as ...

Have you ever Googled your name? I realize if you have a common name it would not make much since to do this but with a name like Jenefer Edelen you either hit or you don't. It is my knowledge that this blog is in someway owned by Google and I wondered if I Googled my name if anything would come up. Well guess what? It did and not because of this blog. I can Google Jenefer Edelen and TWO yes, that's right TWO things come up about me. One is.... awe hell you can Google me and see for yourself. But there it was Jenefer Edelen in all it's Glory. No, it wasn't on a Broadway marquee but in someway it made me feel as if I had achieved some sort of technological stardom and my name was in lights...kinda. The lights of my computer monitor.

Mondays.....I Hate Mondays

Today is Monday and I am not feeling very inspired. What I am feeling is very tired. I just ran to the store to get an energy drink so I can make it through the rest of the day and what I am sure will be a grueling workout at the gym. To date I have lost 10 pounds and 4% body fat. YEAH ME!

Michael - I WILL see you the next time I am in Charlotte. I may be home in October but I am not sure yet. I will most definitely see you in December.

Gail - I would love to come to Texas and visit you. We just have to plan it. How is February or March 2007?

Mom - Thanks for responding to my first blog!

Homeless with a Gym Membership

Today is the first day of my blog (Mom blog means web log). I always wanted to write in a journal but blogging can be done anywhere, anytime and that works better for me. I do not expect anyone to read this blog except for friends and family members so here are a few rules I am going to follow...

Jen's Rules
1) Grammar and spelling do not have to be perfect.
2) I am NOT going to worry about what anyone thinks of what I write in my blog.

Reader's (Family's) Rules
1) Read at your own risk.
2) Please feel free to comment on my blog.

The title of my blog is an expression of how my generation lives and how at times I feel about myself and my life. Sometimes I just want to quit my job and join the peacecorps or live homeless, it has just got to be a simpler way to live. I am sick of "the man" and I am sick of 8-5 M-F with no real purpose. BUT, if I did just decide not to go into work one day I would quite literally be homeless with a gym membership. At least I could get a good shower in at the gym everyday!

I guess at the age of 32 I am asking myself the questiones every 30 something asks...... What is the purpose of my life? Is this what I want to do? Do I want to have children? - I am not sure I ask myself this question because I feel pressure to give my parents grandchildren or if in the future I will regret not having them.

So this blog will be my sounding board to sort it all out. Get it on paper so to speak. And, hopefully to get a little help from my friends that read my blog. And, who knows maybe one day I will show it to my children and tell them about my journey to a fufilled life.