Too Tired to Think of Witty Title

Oh yeah it's Friday! I have been waiting for this day all week. I cannot wait to get some rest and order back in my life.

Michelle left on Monday and we had a great time!

Thursday 9/21/2006 I am jumping out of my skin with excitement Michelle's plane is suppose to land at 11:16 pm. Check the computer for flight status; delayed until 11:59. OK, no problem I will watch Grey's Anatomy and take a nap. Yeah right! Too excited. 11:30pm Check flight status. Still scheduled to arrive at 11:59. Leave for airport. Arrive at airport, go in and check flight status. Delayed again. Now scheduled to arrive at 12:19 am. Get Starbucks. Big Mistake. Now more jittery with excitement. 12:45 am Michelle is here, finally.

And that is about all I remember about her visit. We didn't go to be before 9:00 am Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I sure did need a weekend like that with my best friend. I actually feel alive and my spirit is refreshed. I have not laughed that much for that long in I don't remember when.

Now it is Friday and while my spirit is refreshed my body ain't. All I want to do is sleep in and wake up without the awful sound of an alarm clock.

My Girlfriend's Back & There's Gonna Be Trouble...

Hey Y'all my girlfriends back! Actually she is just coming to Sin City for the first time.

So, finally with no further ado Michelle will make her first appearance in Las Vegas on Thursday September 21, 2006 @ 11:12pm.

I am so stoked to have my best girlfriend visit me next week. She has never been west of Milwaukee, where she grew up but she now lives in Atlanta, GA. We are both over due for a girls weekend and Las Vegas just so happens to be a pretty good town for that.

I don't expect I will be blogging much before her arrival because I will be too excited and busy to write. And I definitely will NOT be blogging during her visit. So I just wanted to let everyone know I will be back in about a week and there should be some fantastic, juicy stuff to write about if all goes according to plan.

Have a happy 60th birthday Kathy Kathleen! I will call you.

Oh! If anyone gets a strange call on their phone in the middle of the night answer it because it may be us needing bail money.

Peace out.

We're Almost There

Woooooo. Who is sticking with me through these gut wrenching, sad blogs?! To those of you who are I appreciate it. We're almost through a tough spot and then back to the fun stuff.

Signs.

I believe in signs. Not so much that I have to have one to make a decision but when one comes along I take a look at it, I notice it. My absolute favorite sign is a bird landing close to me. It happens all the time. I mean birds come within inches of me and I can move and they will not fly away. When that happens I say, "Hey Grandma!" It is my grandmother Caroline coming to say, "What's Up?" I used to think it was only Robins because they were Caroline's favorite bird but since I moved to Las Vegas where there are no Robins she pretty much lands next to me in any bird form.

I got a sign today. A potential multimillion dollar client came to my office for an on-site visit and demonstration. I knew this was a big deal because I had to work all weekend and make sure everything was up to snuff and also because the owner, creator, president was in town along with the VP of sales. At 9:00am the three of them arrived at the office. I wasn't real sure what my role was going to be seeing that the owner, creator, president was there. I figured he would pretty much run the show. But before I knew it I had the floor and I was on a roll. I was demonstrating, teaching, selling and I felt great. I kept thinking to myself, surely they are not going to let me alone sell this high profile client?

As the four of us were gathered and the client and I went over all of his questions and batted around our thoughts and ideas and all the while the owner, creator, president and the VP of sales stood there and watched our excitement and enthusiasm build. There was a chemistry between us it was like the planets were aligned and we were both on the same page (the business section of the New York Times of course). Just then I heard it. That right there, I heard it again. Did you hear it? Did the possible multimillion dollar client just say Duke? As in Blue Devils? As in Durham? As in NORTH CAROLINA? There! I heard it again. Did he just say he had offices in Chapel Hill and Raleigh? Bet you can't guess what I asked next? I asked, "Where are you from?" He says, "Chapel Hill, NC". No way! Can this be? Can it be that this client who could have been from anywhere in the world shows up in my office in Las Vegas, NV is from my old backyard? You know what I did next? I dusted off my old Carolina accent I have worked oh so hard to get rid of the last two years and I say, "I just moved from Charlotte two years ago." Hell no I didn't say that in my accent! But I did say it. There was a kindred reason for our connection. It was a sign.

You want to know what happened next? A short while later as the boss was listing all of my current responsiblites the man became so impressed with me he offered me a job right in front of my boss who quickly reminded him he signed some kind of no solicitation agreement before he arrived in Las Vegas for the on site visit. What the hell is that about anyway? He asked me, "So how do you like Chapel Hill?" (His corporate office is in Chapel Hill) I said, "It's fabulous!" - OK, so I have never been there but I am sure it is fabulous. It would at the very least be a fabulous location if I were to move closer to home. Not too close to my brother, so I don't cramp his style and just barely far enough away from the parental units.

It was dropped after the comment from the boss. But it still had the same effect as when a lawyer says something in court that is inadmissible and the judge orders it to be struck from the record and instructs the jury to not let it be a factor when deciding the verdict.

Amazing Grace

I once was lost but now I'm found...

In October 2004 I made the bold decision to move across country by myself. I needed to see what else life had in store for me and without a doubt the trip was worth it. I have matured and learned new things by leaps and bounds and I now ask myself this question...

What is important in life? There are many different answers to this depending on who you ask but for me I have discovered it is friends and family. I miss you all very much. The thing is that I didn't feel the loss until just recently and I believe there is a divine reason for this. I believe to have felt the loss of my friends and family while on this particular journey would have gotten in the way of the destination. And as cliche' as it sounds I needed to "find" myself.

I now believe the purpose of the move across country is fulfilled. But now what? I feel a need to be closer to home. The need I feel is so strong it almost feels as if I am being drawn there by another force. Does somebody need me? Do I need somebody? I don't know. What I do know it is it critical decision time once again. I am asking anyone who cares to, please feel free to give advise or an opinion. The first move was crystal clear to me. This time I am not so sure or at least not yet anyway.

I also want to add this one last thought that is on my mind tonight: This is the eve of the 5th anniversary of September 11th. When I sat down to write 60 Minutes was on TV and since I started writing the show has ended and a show about 9/11 is on. I cannot see the TV but I can hear it. I hear the sounds of sirens, panicked people and first responders radios. It really puts life in perspective. God Bless everyone and their families who lost a loved on one that tragic day.

A Girl Who Learns How to Read Out Loud

I woke up this morning and being that I don't have to work tomorrow (Labor Day) I allowed myself to roll out of bed, onto the couch and checked out what was on TV. As I scanned the channels I ran across the title of a book I read last year (a movie now airing on HBO) called "In Her Shoes". It is a very sweet book/movie about two sisters who have gone down different paths in life and their reconnection with their estranged grandmother (played by Shirley McClain). About half way through the movie there is a scene where the troubled sister (played by Cameron Diaz) is working at an assisted living and a blind resident asks her to read to him. She believes she is not a good reader and avoids reading but as she will discover... she could do it all along. As I watched this scene play out I found myself crying uncontrollably, it touched something inside me I put on a dark, dusty shelf deep in my subconscious a long, long time ago.

Through my journey of self awareness I now pause and allow myself to feel the ugly, horrible feelings and attempt to understand them and put them to rest for good. In the past I either didn't deal with them or I self medicated myself to not feel at all and I am thankfully still alive to tell you that neither of those options work.

My entire life has been plagued with low self esteem and self doubt, the root of this has yet to be determined but this scene in the movie transported me back...

1983, 3rd grade, Holy Rosary Catholic School, Nashville, TN. Unbeknown to me the class was "tested" on our reading skills and then divided into two groups. The first group received a beautiful new reading text book and was known to be the "good" readers in the class. The second group, my group, got an ugly old text book and it was knowledge to the class that this group was the slow or challenged readers in the class. Everyday the two groups split up to read out of their respective books. I knew I should be in the other good readers group and I was so hurt and confused as to why I was in the slow reading group. I just didn't understand it. Day after day as I sat there in the slow, challenged reading group I remember an actual, tangible click down in my self esteem. I knew I wasn't very good at math but reading? Reading I knew I was good at that. Right?

In the middle of my third grade year my family moved to Charlotte, NC and at first it appeared I would be able to start over and just be a regular student in the class but my self doubt had already begun to manifest itself into the monster I fight today. The worst thing is this. In my remaining years of school I was placed in classes beneath my skill level until the eleventh grade when my literature teacher (Mr. Walker) recognized this. Finally, in my senior year of high school I got to read the beautiful classic books with the advanced students. Unfortunately it was too little too late.

Now I know, when I was given the oral reading test in third grade my low self esteem got in the way of performing well. In the young mind of an eight year old it made a very impressionable stamp and it makes me so angry to know this was a defining moment in my life and was part of the catalyst for not going to college, not using my talents and achieving the life I envisioned. I could have been so much more! I need to be able to put this to rest forever, not just on a dark dusty shelf stored away in my brain for later consumption. I cannot allow this to destroy me anymore. I am what I am. I have to love me and my life the way I turned out, the way it is.

As for the movie I highly recommend it. For me it spoke of my relationship with my brother growing up. It is a touching story about family trials and tribulations with an underlying story of, a girl who learns how to read out loud.